Changes, Cousins, Canucks

Over the last few months I have put a lot of thought into how I spend my time and where I invest it. I realized that in being someone who is fairly agreeable, I say yes to a lot of things that when I think back on it, I didn't really want to do. And so I have decided to be more intentional with my time and with my friendships. I have a lot of friendships and a lot of wonderful people in my life, but sometimes I feel like I am stretched too thin. So there's a need to decipher which friendships were more for a season and which ones were long term. Not to say that you never speak to people again, but the intensity changes. This may sound harsh and I don't intend it to be. It's just been me figuring out how to best be a friend to the people in my life. I'm embracing the different seasons and how they each have molded and shaped me into who I am today.

Another thing i have been realizing over the last couple weeks has been how our perceptions and views of ourselves and the world around us impacts the way we react to others and even in the way we hear and interpret words and actions. I've had some unfortunate events take place that I am regretful of, because in communicating, I did not respond well. And did not present well either I suppose. But I was reminded of how hugely our lenses of the world affect us. If I feel like everyone dislikes me or wants to attack me, I will interpret most things through that lens even though it may be incredibly far from the truth. This has caused me to examine what my expectations of others are (as they are often unrealistic and need to be shifted), but also what my expectations of people's reactions to me are as well.

Anyway, that was a lot of jabber.

The other night I was able to hang out with my second cousin Nicole and it was funny when I thought about it, because we went to high school together, we read each others' blogs, we're similar in a lot of ways, yet we never hang out. So recently we decided we should actually make it happen and we did. And I am already looking forward to the next time. It's funny, because in talking and hanging out, I felt like we hung out all the time, although I hadn't really seen her since high school nine years ago.

And thus concludes a very random post with a lot of scattered bits of my thoughts. And I will add a shout out to the Canucks who are playing amazingly and will hopefully win the presidents' trophy this year. And hooray for them having the most wins on record for them in a regular season. I am saddened by the fact that I'm pretty sure the NHL playoffs will be hard to find while in Asia... but hey, you never know, right?

Christmas, Cuddles, Cuties

Last night after I got home, I packed up all my Christmas decorations. May seem a bit premature for some, but I have been enjoying the decorations for 2 months and have just been wanting to clean it up and sit and treasure all these things in my heart.


The wonder of God with us, Emmanuel. In the midst of difficulty and joy, Christ is with us. Amongst us. How incredible.


And He has blessed us, oh how incredibly He has blessed us. With family, friends, warmth, shelters, food, and I could go on and on and on. He makes His presence known every day if I begin to look for it. And I love that Christmas is a focused time to stop and remember. That Christ came to live, so that we could live.


I love driving down the street and seeing everything closed. Time to be at home, with family and loved ones. I know it may be painful for some, but amongst the thorns, there are always roses to be found. Amongst the anguish and grief, there is joy and love.


From cuddling month old babes to enjoying the joy of a one and a half year old to conversing and fellowshiping with those I love.

To see God's work in my family and His faithfulness.

This year in a lot of ways I missed my dad a lot. And my brother. My dad would have been a grandpa to 2 beautiful, perfect little babes. My brother would have been the proudest uncle. We missed them, but I am thankful for old and new memories and how all of them combined make up a messy but beautiful picture of life.

So this Christmas I am incredibly thankful. That amidst the pain of life and the wonderful things, God is with us.

Hope you all had an incredibly wonderful Christmas! Blessings!

Alabanza, Affirmation, Add

Alabanza means to raise this thing to God's face and to sing quite literally "praise to this".

There are continuous moments in my days where my heart sings alabanza, praising God for His goodness and His blessings. And I realize now in the definition it could be interpreted that the thing is being praised.. but I see it more of looking at the thing and praising God for it in its entirety. So when I use the word, I mean it according to my meaning of it.

This last weekend I was blessed to have my friend Lindie visit and also to be able to go see one of my favourite musicals, In the Heights. It was wonderful. The music, the choreography, the themes, and so forth. I couldn't find 'alabanza' (my fave song from the musical) on my playlist, so I picked the main song from the musical instead. But I loved seeing it and being challenged by it and also spending a wonderful afternoon with two very dear friends, both of whom about I would say 'alabanza' because they are indeed fearfully and wonderfully made and I praise God for them and for His work in their lives.

Apparently Lindie doesn't think it's cool to pose with hot dogs for pictures. That's probably because she was eating a pizza instead.

And yesterday was another dear friend's birthday. And I am incredibly thankful for her and that I was able to celebrate her birthday with her and to be reminded of the blessing she is in my life. I always leave hanging out with her encouraged and affirmed and personally challenged as well.

So I praise God for these things and more!

Based on my last post, I have been continuing to think about this topic and want to invite my blog readers to join in. Not sure what I'm inviting you to join into yet, but the invitation is there. For me, I want to go through my books, movies, cds and other things and put a lot of it in boxes. I don't need these things and it's part of simplifying.

I was thinking of maybe donating it somewhere.. like MCC, but then I thought it would be cool to maybe have a garage sale and then donate all the money to something (to be determined), but not totally sure. But if others wanted to join, we could have a bigger garage sale and use the money for some project of some sort. Just an idea that has begun in my head. Any other ideas to add?

Rich, Roofs, Ruminations

As a North American, I am incredibly wealthy and rich, along with many other people. We are incredibly blessed. We have roofs over our heads, running water, heating in the winter, food by the plentiful... and my list could go on.

Lately I have been convicted much as I have been pressing into God more with open hands and an open spirit. What does it mean to truly be a Christian today in our society?

Throughout the Bible it talks about the sheep and the goats (who I think are all "Christians"), how hard it is for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God, how perhaps it's easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, and so on.

It's easy to think that perhaps the "rich" in those passages doesn't refer to us, because we don't have it all, and there's a bunch of people out there with a whole lot more money than us.

Yet, I have far more than I need and am blessed beyond measure. What does it look like for me to sell all my stuff and go follow Jesus? I am not saying I'm going to go sell everything I own, but I wonder about this from a practical point.

I buy things. I hoard them. I collect them. I don't use them. But I keep them and admire them. A lot of stuff. My life is cluttered with stuff. Unnecessary stuff.

I need to declutter, to simplify, to loosen the hold i have on these things I so desperately try to collect. I'm not sure what form this will be in, but I have a few ideas that have popped into my head about different steps of obedience and surrender I need to take. Of letting go. I don't want these things to become idols.

On the one hand, I do want to bless people though. I desire to pour out blessings on those in my life and be able to share whatever i can with them. And so there are resources for those. Yet I don't want to share out of surplus. I want to sacrifice in sharing with others.

I want to find out more for my own study what the Bible says about wealth and money and such because i know it's a big topic. And it's one I have oft ignored. And I know realize the danger of praying prayers that mean my life will have to drastically change. The anticipation of the change doesn't look completely fun, but I am overjoyed at what will come out of it. So we will wait and see...

Lists, Longings, Life

I LOVE lists. In fact, perhaps a little too much. I enjoy making to do lists and adding obvious things like "wake up", "shower", "eat breakfast" and so forth. That way at the end of the day I have a ton of things to check off and it seems like I have accomplished a lot in the day, when in reality all I did was probably brush my teeth after eating breakfast and the rest of the day was spent making the to do list.

So this post is about lists. First I shall start with a countdown because that's kind of like a list of counting. Or something like that.

Countdown:
1 day until I go to Seattle!
7 days until trip to the Island!
21 days until South Africa!
39 days (approximately) until I become a DOUBLE AUNTY!!!!
78 days until my birthday!
79 days until Christmas!

Things I have been able to cross off my bucket list in the last couple months:
-swim 200 lengths in a row
-sit in natural hot springs
-go to Australia/New Zealand
-go to 40 different countries

Things I expect to cross off my bucket list in the next year:
-learn to crochet
-write a book
-take a picture of the stars
-get a hole in one in golf (wishful thinking)
-sea kayaaking
-memorize a book of the bible
-carve something from wood
-eat dog
-Go to all 7 continents
-built a homemade kite
-bake bread
-ride an elephant
-go to Thailand
-run the police run
-3 day silence retreat

Some things I want to get done before I leave for South Africa:
-Christmas shopping (officially started yesterday)
-Christmas cards (I will wait to mail them of course)
-Christmas decorating (yes I am crazy)
-Get a business license (printed the application today!)
-Make some business cards
-Finish another chapter in my book
-Write a bunch of letters
-Finish planning my wedding (okay just kidding-wanted to see if you were actually reading)

This past season of my life has been an interesting one. For many reasons, but one of them has been that I don't always have a clear cut answer to "What do you do?" It's been good for me to sort through that and realize that my identity is not found in what I do.. as in where I work, etc. So in case people wonder what in the world I do all day long,

here are some of the things I'm passionate about and that take up my time:

-walking with God/studying the Bible: continually learning more about God and engaging Him and getting to know Him on a deeper level
-relationships/community: I strongly value keeping in touch with people and connecting with others in meaningful ways and being able to encourage people
-prison ministry: I volunteer in prison and absolutely love it
-teacher's assistant: I mark a lot of papers
-photography: I love capturing the beauty and majesty of God's creation and sharing it with others
-my family, and especially my nephew :)
-blogging: i love sharing my thoughts, experiences and ideas with others and hope in some way that it is uplifting and encouraging to those who read
-reading/learning: I love learning. About other people, cultures, countries, subjects, languages.
-letter writing: It is my personal goal to bring back the art of letter writing. So I have many pen pals and try to keep it up.
-instilling value in others
-traveling
-being a blessing to others (hopefully!)
-youth: worked as a youth leader and now am a youth sponsor and i love it!

Here is a list of some of the things I would love to do with my life:
-work at McDonald's (okay just kidding)
-border crossing guard
-corrections officer
-parole officer
-author
-public speaker
-travel journalist
-counselor, specializing in looking at body image/personal value etc. in individuals
-teacher in university
-stay at home mom and adopt kids

And so ends my list of lists. There are more things I could probably add to the lists, but that is what is coming to mind at the moment. I wonder what other people make lists of?

Slippery, Sidewalks, Sleepy

At present I have been up for about 30 hours.. I figure if I can stay awake for about 5 more and go to bed at 10:30 pm, maybe my jet lag and tiredness will be magically fine and I shall proceed in this time zone like a normal human being.

Upon arrival at home this morning, I decided I wanted to do laundry. To do laundry I needed to change out of the clothes I was wearing. To change, I needed to shower to put on clean clothes. To shower I figured I should do something physical. If I went for a walk I figured I should buy some fruits and veggies to stock the fridge. So I bought fruits and vegetables so that i could do laundry. Makes sense.

However, walking to the store when you're absolutely exhausted and could fall asleep while walking is not a great idea. An even better idea however is trying to walk back home carrying two very heavy bags while eating a plum and trying not to fall asleep. I consider myself very skilled.

So far the laundry is almost done, bags are unpacked, went for lunch with a friend and had tea with another. I feel incredibly productive.

My last few days in Australia were delightful. You know when you meet someone and you feel a connection with them and feel like you could talk and listen and be mutually heard and understood? I had that with a few of the people I visited and it is a wonderful thing indeed. I loved seeing old friends that i had not seen for a while and to catch up.

My last day in Sydney was fun, filled with a festival and the grand final of the national rugby league. Very exciting. However, while I was out, it started pouring rain. I don't mind the rain. However, after almost dodging certain death numerous times, I grew to dislike Sydney sidewalks in the rain.

Sydney has very nice sidewalks. They're made out of some sort of stone. Lovely. Except when they're wet. They become really slippery. Obviously if it's pouring rain and not that warm out, people would wear proper footwear, right? Wrong. I like flip flops. My flip flops have no grip. My flip flops do not like Sydney sidewalks and I have a cracked open toenail to prove it. I bailed twice, once hitting my large toe against the sidewalk, which created much bloodflow and pain and later swelling. I walked back to my hotel very slowly and I think that people must have thought I was perhaps crazy. Well, maybe I am. But walking slow is not indication of it.

I am slowly readjusting to driving on the "right" side of the road again. While driving today I realized that my vehicle drives much nicer than the ones I've been driving. I have also tried turning on my signal numerous times only to discover there is nothing beside my steering wheel on the right hand side. I have also tried turning into the left side of the road on a few occasions. Thankfully those were on not very busy streets.

It's delightful to be home. And soon I will post more pictures and other things. Stay tuned.

Dreams, Dad, Distracted

It's funny because everyone always says how Australia is so big, but people often view it like Canada, as though you could see the whole place in a week or something. While I was aware of this common known knowledge, I didn't really realize until I started driving around Australia.

So this is what I've learned: Australia is big. it has a lot of people. It has some pretty big cities.

For some reason I think I've always just picture Australia as a random island with sparse people here and there living in the wild with crocodiles, koalas and kangaroos and running away from oversized snakes and spiders.

To my shock, there are lots of people and civilization! They have cars, tvs, everything. While this may seem funny to you and you might be thinking, "obviously", for some reason I have never pictured it this way even though i know my ideal picture is completely false.

So recently my nice little images have been shattered to bits.

Another thing that I am pleasantly surprised by is how incredible the coast is. The beaches are stunning. And there's a lot of them (obviously, it's an island). And they're not all crocodile ridden or full of killer sharks and jellyfish. Quite nice to swim in and surf on in fact.

So these are the things I'm learning about Australia. Well, I know them before in my head, but now I'm truly learning about them in an experiential kind of way.

Right now I'm at the ywam base in Wollongong. How fun is that to say? Very. I know a bunch of people here, mostly from high school, and funny enough, one from elementary school, so it's been fun to see people and catch up. Great to meet new people too. And they live like five minutes away from a stunning coast, so how can you go wrong, right?

Last night I had two really interesting dreams that I thought I'd share here because one was quite funny and the other quite thought provoking.

In the first, I was getting married. But for some reason, I had forgotten to get a dress, to ask people to be in my wedding party, to invite people and a few other small details I forget. So I wrapped myself in blue wrapping paper as a pseudo wedding dress and as a couple of my friends walked in wearing jeans and t-shirts, I told them to come join the wedding party. It was lovely. Right. I walked down the aisle and then realized that no one I knew was there. So I decided not to get married because I wanted to wait until I could have a huge party with all the people I knew. Morale of the story: When you get married, remember to invite people, and to wear an actual dress.

In my other dream, I was with my dad. Now I dream about my dad fairly frequently and it's always weird when I wake up, because I suddenly remember that he's not alive, yet in the dream it brought me back to a time when he was alive and we hung out. So that's a bit strange to begin with. Anyway, we had a fantastic day together just him and I hanging out and doing some really fun things, essentially really enjoying each other's company. Then we came to this gift shop, and suddenly I needed to buy a bunch of things and that's all my focus was on. And we lost something and that's all I could think about. As we were leaving, my dad was really sad and I was filled with a type of emptiness. And then I realized that he just wanted to spend time with me and I was being completely distracted.

I was struck with how much of a picture this often is of my relationship with God. He just wants to spend time with me. That we can get to know one another and enjoy each other's company. Yet along the way, I become so distracted, looking at what I can attain, whether it be anything from material items to an experience to a picture taken. He wants to experience life with me, not be ignored in certain spots where I lose my focus.

Anyway, those are a couple of the thoughts floating around in my head after a night filled with vivid dreams.

Enjoy the weekend! I will enjoy mine and then will be home very shortly on Monday! Crazy how time has flown!

Coke, Carrots, Capitals

FYI, a Kiwi (New Zealander) thing to do is to mix Coke with Raspberry Shweppes.. a guy told me about it today and although it looked funny mixing brown and pink it was actually quite tasty. So that's me being cultural.

I also drove by (okay stopped and took some pictures as well) a giant carrot today. I love giant random items. Definitely drove out of my way a bit just to go see it. And it did not disappoint.

Drove by the bread capital today. Bread capital of what? And besides, who decides these things anyway? Is there a committee that goes around deciding certain areas have an overabundance of goods and thereby dub it a capital? Not that I'm complaining, because I appreciated the giant bread loafs by the sign welcoming me to their town.. name of the town, no idea, but I will always remember that the bread capital is in NZ.

I have arrived in Lake Taupo and LOVE it. Okay I can't see much because it's so darn foggy and rainy. Haha. But apparently it is beautiful with lots of volcanoes. The place I'm staying is so wonderful I've decided to stay for 4 nights! Some of the things I hope to do in the next few days: white water raft, trout fly fishing, prawn fishing, maori cultural dinner, bungee jump (big maybe.. haha), jet boat to some waterfalls, sit in hot pools and walk in some geothermal parks! Should be busy! But I'm super excited! And there's a dvd player here (okay so that may not seem exciting) but I had brought dvd's along and have not had a chance to watch them but now I will have something to do late at night! No more going to bed at 9:30pm! Wooooh!!

Today I finally found a Christian radio station. There was a reading of James 1 on there and I felt bad for laughing through most of it, because the guy's voice was overdubbed (you know on movies when guys try to disguise their voice over the phone-that's what it sounded like) and then there were ocean sounds with seagulls in the background. Right. Anyway, as nice to listen to some praise music and I hope to find somewhere local to go to church on Sunday!

I have been reading through Psalms, Proverbs and the gospels and it's been really good to get back into the swing of reading the Bible daily. It's funny because as I read the gospels, I think "Hmm. the disciples and these other people didn't get it" in response to some of the stuff. Then I remember that I would probably react the same way.. and that perhaps in a lot of ways I don't get it. Humbling indeed.

I'm off to go swimming in some hot pools. Then I think I will grab dinner at Hell Pizza.. was looking at their menu and they have WAY more varieties of pizza than we do and they look tasty!! :) Have a good day!

Forgiveness, Four, Freedom

Four years ago I was placed in a situation that nearly destroyed me.

It is one of the things I look back on as being a time when I lost a lot of faith and trust in who God was and in His love for me. I look back at it as a key point in my life where my perspective shifted and I came away with a lot of anger and bitterness.

Although the situation was fueled by people around me, I was hurt. I felt incredibly crushed and beaten up and thrown to the ground, not to get up again. I didn't get angry at the people, but rather at God. For putting me in that situation when I already felt so fragile. I felt broken and bruised.

Over the years, I have thought about that event with slight passing, not really giving it much thought. I have never really recognized how strongly it contributed to my own anger and bitterness and feeling of lostness at times. How it built into a barrier blocking me from God.

Over the last couple years I have been taking the bricks down from that wall barrier. I have been experiencing healing in ways I never would have thought.

Recently I have been continually hitting a wall. Wondering what the next few bricks are and how in the world I will remove them.

I got home Friday night to find an email from someone whose name I did not immediately recognize. I opened it and within reading the first line, my face was covered with the tears that were streaming down my face.

Cracked. The bricks that have been mysterious and unknown cracked apart a little more with every tear that fell.

This one individual asked me to forgive her. For the different things that had happened and how she contributed to it. And she felt awful. Funny enough I did not even remember the specific details because I had stuffed them down, but as I cried, I began to forgive her and the others involved. I read back through my journal entries from that time and just wept before God. And gave it to Him and received His healing.

Even now I am blown away by this message that was written to me that opened up so much. Felt like a wind of fresh air blowing through my soul as God brought up old, deep hurts and began the healing process and the forgiveness surrounding it. What perfect timing. And what a gracious and gentle God I serve.

I am excited because I feel a little bit more freedom than I did before. I have been clinging to these things and God has been loosening my grip on them as I surrender them to Him. And where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. Oh sweet freedom.

Inspiration, Insulation, Ideas

It seems like Mexico was a month ago, but then I remember that I only got back a week ago tomorrow night. Crazy how time flies by yet seems like it is so incredibly full!

There are more photos of my trip, but iphoto is strange and I dont' remember which I posted and which i didn't. So this will have to do for now.


I'm still exhilarated from the time in Mexico. How great to connect with the people there, the people on the team and to be encouraged in so many different ways. {And the incredibly learning opportunity of building a house of course!}
One night, Sergio, who is the founder of Baja Vision Ministries, came with a group to the school to share with us. A couple people shared their testimonies and then he shared his testimony, specifically the story of how God gave him an orphanage. I sat there entranced with what he was saying, feeling little sparks going off within my soul, passion being lighted anew.
His faith was inspiring. It dripped drops of water on my thirsty soul. Not simply because this is something that sounds great and I would love to relate to God in such a way and live my life with such a pure faith, but rather because I was reminded of what I have experienced in the past. The all-pervasiveness of God in my life. The amazing things that come from a surrendered heart. And in my heart, I longed for that once again. I get it in bits, but then I'm distracted by the things around me. Little by little, God is healing my heart and putting my foundation back in place. And I'm excited, because on this foundation, He will build something great, just like we built this bright blue house on a foundation in Mexico for this family.

{Here Brynje and I are accepting the box of watches from our family}

{Armed with a coke}

{Mudding one of the rooms.. helped me be a lot more grateful for those who drywall and mud for a living}

And thus concludes the thoughts I will share from Mexico. My heart is full and I have much to thank God for and to ponder.

Knight, Kaleidoscope, Kin

Today i decided that a great way to describe life is a kaleidoscope. Definition: a toy consisting of a tube containing mirrors and pieces of colored glass or paper, whose reflections produce changing patters that are visible through an eyehole when the tube is rotated. A constantly changing pattern or sequence of objects or elements.

Sometimes we can predict what's coming, but often life is a random mesh of color and patterns that are ever changing, but ultimately beautiful. Life is kaleidoscopic (and yes that is a word... I looked it up).

For Mother's Day, Des and I told our Omi that we would take her for dinner and a movie. Our schedules haven't worked together until last night when we were able to go out all together. It started at Red Robin's and ended at the movie theatre where we saw Knight and Day.
Some favorite moments from the evening:

Twenty minutes into the movie, Omi leans over and says "Is this the movie?"

During the previews, Des laughed intermittently and every time she did, my Omi chuckled in response.

When leaving Omi's apartment, she noticed the stack of newspapers was getting lower and she made a statement about how they never bring enough papers, whilst grabbing two papers and then proceeding to stash them beneath the couch cushion in the lobby so she could get them later.

Being asked 3 times who brought her the wool to make a new afghan. I bought my favorite patterned wool and am SO excited for this afghan! My grandma is a crocheting machine and I treasure every piece dearly!
Today was a beautiful day and tonight the sunset was stunning. I have done things outside almost every day for the last few weeks and haven't noticed it being overly horrible weather. Sure it hasn't been smoking hot, but I've still been able to enjoy each day and the unique mix of weather patterns with it. Anyway, so this is me saying that I like the weather. I'm enjoying the variety and trying to enjoy each day as it comes. And for those of you who are hating the weather and want it to be super hot and sunny, hopefully that day will come on your behalf. :)
Today I enjoyed doing some of my work by the pool, until a bit of wind picked up one of the papers I was about to mark and almost came to the point of throwing it into the pool. Thankfully I caught it before it made it to the pool. Was able to swim some laps as well which is always such a great to clear the head.
Lots going on but I'm enjoying it all and trying not to get whisked away in the scurry of it all but enjoying every moment and trying to see the beauty in it!

Enjoy looking through the kaleidoscope today and allow yourself to be awestruck by the wonder of the myriad of colors and patterns that life brings!

Read, Red, Respect

Yesterday morning I was challenged to see Jesus in myself and those around me.

And perhaps by doing so, I will respect others more and respect myself more.

The story was shared in a book I began reading this morning of seeing others as Jesus and treating them likewise. How will my interactions be different as I allow God to shift my perspective in this manner?

Prison, Photography, Places

There are some places you go or activities you do that fill your heart and bring incredible joy.

One of these places for me is prison.

{Okay, fine, I will explain instead of letting you figure that one out..}

I volunteer in prison twice a week every other week. I go to two different prisons and I love it. I don't always feel like going, but afterward, I'm on a high, because there is something deeply profound about connecting with another individual and I hope they receive at least half of the blessing that I receive from being with them.

A couple years ago, when I first started volunteering with W2, I had absolutely no idea what to expect. But i have grown comfortable there and am thankful for the friendships I am building and I am continually being encouraged and challenged by those I meet with. I am continually humbled. And infused with hope.

Lately I feel as though life is an absolute whirlwind tornado of activity. Things to do, places to go, people to see. It is busy, but at the same time I am LOVING it! I don't always enjoy the feeling of having a lot of things that need to get done, nor do I like the fact that my schedule isn't always open to planning more things, but that's okay. So instead of getting swept away in the busy-ness of it, I am trying to enjoy every moment of the insanity and be swept away in the tornado!

Today is Nature Photography Day. My next post will be a sharing of the nature photographs I took today. You should go take some too-I would love to see them. Today is also National Fly a Kite Day. So I will make a kite and fly it as well. Perhaps you should go find a kite to fly?

Have fun!

{And by the way, my other favorite two cities would probably be... Vancouver and Quebec City and Montreal. That's four, but I'm okay with that. :) }

I would also like to point out that I now have more blog posts for 2010 than I did for 2009. I am hopeful that I will far exceed that number. ;)

Meeting, Memories, Moments

Recently I finished reading the book 'Strong Winds & Crashing Waves' by Terry Wardle. He had a lot of valuable things to say and it was definitely thought provoking. There were times when reading that I thought "Wow, finally, someone who understands what I am going through and gets it." I appreciate knowing that I'm not entirely crazy but that my experience is normative in some sense and resonates with other people. So it's good to find those that are like-minded in that way.

He discusses his move towards being more honest, open and vulnerable about his life and his journey. He says "I am consciously stepping away from the "know but not be known" paradigm of professional objectivity. I am instead embracing a "be known so that others might know and experience Jesus" approach to writing." How true. My life can be far more effective and inspirational to others in sharing it and letting myself be known. Scary territory because a lot of things can be done with information. But I am going to be faithful to share my experience and hope and pray that much fruit will come from it.

He discusses the need to invite Christ into the pain and darkness of our lives. To allow Him to come in and bring healing. He suggests that "transformation does not come by striving, performing, or working hard at self-improvement. It comes to wounded people who ask the Lord not to simply help them out of storms, but to change them int he very midst of them. And it comes to the wounded by the grace of God." How often we try to run from the storms, to sweep them under a carpet, or to busy ourselves in order to forget about them. Yet, it seems far better to enter into the storm with open arms. To embrace it for what it is and allow it to change us as we walk through it.

In the last few years, there are random events that trigger an overwhelming, uncontrollable emotional flood within me. I look at the trigger and wonder why in the world it evoked so much emotion, only to realize it is a flood of all the other emotions I have stuffed and not worked through. Terry mentions that "being capsized is about living constantly in such deep emotional waters that even the most non-threatening life-splash can turn a calm day into a life-altering storm." This makes sense to me. The awareness and understanding of it seems to bring a clearer perspective for when those times do come. I guess to know that I can expect it and when it comes, work with the emotions that come with it.

I love this: "God is not simply to be learned about in life. He is to be experienced. He waits in every moment to be encountered by those who seek him. He longs to fill people's hearts with indescribable love, overwhelm them with incomparable peace, and flood their minds with unspeakable joy. Yes, he desire to meet people in the memories of the painful past. But before that can happen, wounded people must discover God in the sacrament of the present moment. He is there, ready to be experienced by the people he unconditionally loves."

I could go on for a long time with many more thoughts and quotes and things I have learned through reading this book. I look forward to reading more of his books and to putting some of the activities into practice that he suggests. And to experience God in the fullness of every situation and moment.

Turtles, Trying, Transformed

Today I realized that I have a habit of exhibiting turtle-like behavior.

In some ways, I have built myself a shell of protection. I look around and when something upsetting or difficult comes along, I retract into my shell instantly. I hide. I try to ignore what's actually happening around me. I think of any possible way that I can get out of it. When the going gets rough, I run (okay, so turtles don't run, but I guess that's why I'm not 100% turtle).
Or I will respond defensively and irrationally and get fairly upset or angry, making things far worse than they ever were. That's when I allow emotions to take control (kind of like the above angry killer turtle).

Anyway, in the last couple of weeks, I have been faced with 2 situations where I instantly was overcome with my turtle instincts of pulling my head back into my shell. Instead I have risen to the challenge and faced these things head on. What a difference it makes! For my thought processes and for how I feel physically even. I love this, because it shows evidence of the transformation taking place in my life bit by bit. That as I surrender areas of my life to God, He is faithful to change me as I walk in that direction. And it's exciting to see evidence of it. So I'm befriending my inner turtle and letting it know I don't need to stay in my shell. Life is far more beautiful outside the shell anyway.

{side note: writing this post has made me want to go eat chocolate turtles}

This is a picture of the final piece being put in one of the puzzles I was making with a friend. What a great feeling to have the whole thing completed! I love how puzzles are such a great picture of us and our walks with God. But since I have probably already mentioned that numerous times, I will leave it at that. :)

Yesterday while working on my Antarctica photo book, I had both my computers on, because I wanted to be working at my desk, but my photos were on my laptop. So I used the desktop to look up information for the book and the laptop to make the book. My favorite was when I'd grab the mouse and wonder why my cursor wasn't moving on the laptop.

I just started reading Julie & Julia and am loving it so far. I really enjoyed the movie, but from what I can tell, I love the book even more!

Excitement, Evening, Elliptical

Do you ever have an overwhelming feeling of intense excitement? That things are wonderful and even more wonderful things are coming?

I had no pictures to include in this post, so I took the liberty of taking some shots in photo booth to intersperse in this post and I truly hope you enjoy them. And perhaps they will get you a bit excited too.

Here are some of the reasons I'm excited:

Last night I went for dinner in Vancouver with a couple of friends that I used to work with at the gym in Abby. We hadn't seen each other in over a year but it honestly seemed like we were together a week ago. It was delightful to hang out and chat for a few hours. I left inspired and excited about what is happening with their lives and them sharing parts of the journey that they're traveling on. And even despite discontent and dissatisfaction, looking ahead to what's coming.

Every day I am loving my job more and more. It is a blessing to be there and to connect and build relationships. I love it and learn a lot from it. I feel richly blessed. And although I love where it's at right this minute, I'm excited as I get more grounded and move forward and make more plans for the future.

My relationship with Hans is improving. Hans is the elliptical for those who forgot. I usually never watch tv (except select dvd sets with a couple friends), but i have been watching glee while on the elliptical. 45 minute episode makes for 45 minutes of Hans quality time. Today I wanted to watch the next episode, so I went for another 45 minutes. I already feel my body regretting it though! haha..

I love my new blog and the freedom it's given me in being able to write about my experiences and thoughts and to be able to inspire and encourage others hopefully. I have no idea where it will go, but for now I am really enjoying the process of writing it.

I went to a great concert the other night and just bought tickets for a couple more: Jack Johnson and also Simon and Garfunkel (who i absolutely LOVE)

There are a lot of great and incredible musicals coming up which I am stoked for!

I love my church. It's far from perfect. But I absolutely love the community there and the people I have met who daily enrich my life. I am so thankful for new friendships that I never even expected. And it is just the start of it. I am excited because I keep meeting new people through my new friends and they are all amazing people that I can learn a lot from and who encourage me in different ways and I am grateful.

For the last little while I have felt at a standstill in my prayer life. Basically I haven't really known how to pray. Well, sure if I wanted to pray something, I could say a nice prayer... but I came to a point where I realized that I couldn't just depend on my "ability" to pray.. I wanted it to truly be from the heart. And so it's been a struggle connecting with God, because I come before Him and am often just speechless. Slowly though, as I have been learning more honesty and transparency, I am relearning how to pray from the heart.

I love my home and the renovations. I love that I can have people over and welcome them in. It is incredible to be able to have my own place that I can open up to others.

More and more I feel at home in Langley. I feel more distant from Abbotsford. When I go out in public now, I run into people I know. This may seem like a strange thing to be excited about, but you have to know that in Abby, every public place I go, I run into about 10 ppl I know. In Langley the weirdest thing was not knowing anybody anywhere. But this means I'm putting down roots and that's pretty cool.

I have lacked vision and purpose in my life for a while. Since graduating from school, I felt like I was simply burned out and not able to give from that place. However, lately I have been feeling renewed and refreshed, with a new vision that feeds my passions and gives life. Not sure entirely how this will look, but inside of me feels hopeful and looking forward to what is happening in my heart and mind as I see a bit more of the picture of how God is using me and will continue to do so.

I am starting to volunteer more hours in prison apart from M2W2 and am excited about those opportunities. I also started volunteering with power to change as an email mentor.

I am finally starting a photography business! Moreso to sell my shots of travel stuff, but also if people want me to do sittings with them. Feel free to join my facebook group, 'Vanessa Maree Photography'. I will be posting more stuff in the near future on that. :)


I feel more rested and content where I'm at right now. Generally I have a strong urge to travel all the time and be elsewhere. But now I hesitate to travel because I am so excited about what's happening here and now all around me. There is a lot of the world to see, but I have traveled a lot so far in my short life and am so grateful for that. So not saying that I won't be traveling in the future, but the pull isn't there as strongly anymore.

So that's that. A few of the things that are exciting to me right now. Life giving. Fueling my passions. There are more things as well that I won't mention right now, but more so, I feel like this feeling bubbling within me can't even be fully expressed in words in order to do it justice.

So I leave it at that. I'm excited. :)

Decisions, Dinner, Dancing

I felt like writing a blog post so I am doing just that.

Lately I have been having impromptu dance parties in my kitchen. I have two doorways, so I can dance in and out of the kitchen in a circle with my music blaring. And it's delightful and so freeing to hop and dance around while singing at the top of my lungs.

Lately I have been having a lot of different friends over for dinner or lunch and it's wonderful. It's so nice to be able to host people in my home and cook them a meal and just enjoy their company. I am blessed with a home from which I can do this. :)

Continually I am reminded that I hate decisions. (as mentioned in a previous post). I wish I could figure out a way to somehow balance emotions and logic in my decision making.

And I leave you with a quote that speaks deeply to me right now:
"Not a heartbeat of agony is ever unnoticed or unused by God"

Tennis, Tea, Turns

The last few days have been absolutely beautiful weather! So I pulled out the tennis rackets and played with a few different friends on a couple different days! I have to admit my arm is a bit sore. I guess they call that tennis elbow?

I like to make my friends do crazy jumps.. I mean, that's how they play tennis. We're pretty hardcore after all. Hardcore enough to get tennis elbow.

Taking a smoothie break

Last night I went out to Vancouver with my friend Vanessa and we met up with our friend Bridgid. The three of us get together every few months and it's always fantastic to catch up! I love friendships from as far back as high school that you can pick up and catch up and enjoy one another's company.

I love letter writing. Or just sending cards to people in the mail. And I must admit, i LOVE getting mail as well (so if anyone wants a pen pal, let me know!) I got this card from my friend Karen the other day and laughed quite hard at it and still giggle every time I see it (just because I'm THAT mature..) So I thought I'd share it with all of you! I'm thankful for days I get mail because it makes that day just even a little bit better!


Sometimes I wish life were prescribed with one way to go and no hard decisions. Well, okay, I don't really wish that, but I hate making decisions that I have to mull over. Generally I think of something and I do it without much thought following. Like, when I renovated my house, I'd go into the paint or flooring place, grab one thing that suited what I kind of wanted, and I'd go with it without looking at any other options. Some people would never be able to do that and would want to see all the options which is fine. But I like it simple. Choose something, stick with it and be satisfied with it. When I'm presented with a lot of good options it makes it so much harder. At times I wish I didn't have all the options. Right now I'm faced with a lot of differing life options, which makes it so much harder to decide. Because there's so many factors to consider. So many pros and cons for all of them. Sigh. Anyone want to make my decisions for me?

And so concludes my ramblings for today. Enjoy the start of a new week!!

Thanksgiving, Threes, Turkey

Happy Thanksgiving!! Just got home from a family gathering and am always reminded of what wonderful family I have been blessed with! On Saturday night, we got together with my dad's side of the fam and enjoyed a Moroccan themed meal which was fantastic and great fun and company as per usual.

Tonight was at my mom's and it was great to see aunts, uncles and cousins! :) My mom had to work in the barns, so my aunt and I finished up the turkey dinner while she was in there. Okay, we pretty much sat around talking until the food finished cooking.. but we like to think we contributed significantly to the creation of the masterpiece! :)

So, since it's Thanksgiving, I figure I will list a few of the things I'm thankful for:

-I am thankful that we have an amazing God who loves me deeply. And daily He creates amazing landscapes for me to enjoy and stand in awe of.
-My family: My mom is amazing and has been and is always there for me. I love my brothers and am thankful for their friendships. I'm thankful for my great sister-in-law: it has been fun having a sister and having girl time together! I'm thankful for my nephew who is so precious and makes me realize how precious life is. I'm thankful for all my extended family and that we can all be close and have a great time together.
-A great new (to me) church that I'm becoming connected with. I'm a youth leader and so far I love the youth kids at the church and am blessed being part of this community that I am getting to know.

-I have amazing friends who are always there for me-whether it be to serve as a listening ear at any time and to share with deeply-such a blessing!

-I am thankful to have a wonderful home-to have a wonderful place where I can welcome people. And to have a place where I can be creative and make it my own!

-I am thankful to have a job that gives my mind a break from being burned out from school. I am thankful for the amazing new friendships I have developed as a result.

-I am thankful for my ability to swim. Okay sounds corny.. but there's something about the feeling of being in water and flying through it-there's a freedom within it.

-I am thankful for the ability to sing.

-I am thankful for many more things but these are the ones I list for now!!

Hope you have a fantastic Thanksgiving everyone! :)

Romans, Rapid, Readers

First off, for those of you who may have been confused as to why suddenly my blog was updated rapidly from the last few months.. It's not that my blog is malfunctioning, but moreso that I like to change the dates of my posts to make it seem like I am a faithful, consistent blogger.. :) Also, when I look back, it's easier to keep track of when I did things and spaces it out! Based on my long break from blogging, does anyone still read my blog?

A passage of scripture I have been contemplating of late is from Romans 12:1-2. It has always been one of my favorites but over the last few months, it has taken on new meaning for me in its practical application.

"Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect."

I have a lot of different thoughts that run through my head daily, some of them welcome, some of them not entirely welcome. Yet there they are and I have to figure out what to do with them. It's funny, because there are certain thoughts that I want to banish. Certain ways of thinking and attitudes that I want to get rid of. So I try to fend them off, yet they seem to come back to me stronger.

Something I have been learning and practicing has been to welcome the unwelcome thoughts. To accept them as my thoughts and acknowledge that yes, I do think this way and these thoughts are in fact in my head. And from that point, I realize that I, in my own power and effort, cannot stop them. And from that point on, I need to turn to God in surrender and ask Him to transform and renew my mind. He is the one who can radically change the direction of my thoughts and transform the way I think. If I allow Him to and if I surrender it to Him. But first I have to be honest about the way I think.

Just a few thoughts. Feel free to agree or disagree. :)

And happy Thanksgiving to you all!! :)