Forgiveness, Four, Freedom

Four years ago I was placed in a situation that nearly destroyed me.

It is one of the things I look back on as being a time when I lost a lot of faith and trust in who God was and in His love for me. I look back at it as a key point in my life where my perspective shifted and I came away with a lot of anger and bitterness.

Although the situation was fueled by people around me, I was hurt. I felt incredibly crushed and beaten up and thrown to the ground, not to get up again. I didn't get angry at the people, but rather at God. For putting me in that situation when I already felt so fragile. I felt broken and bruised.

Over the years, I have thought about that event with slight passing, not really giving it much thought. I have never really recognized how strongly it contributed to my own anger and bitterness and feeling of lostness at times. How it built into a barrier blocking me from God.

Over the last couple years I have been taking the bricks down from that wall barrier. I have been experiencing healing in ways I never would have thought.

Recently I have been continually hitting a wall. Wondering what the next few bricks are and how in the world I will remove them.

I got home Friday night to find an email from someone whose name I did not immediately recognize. I opened it and within reading the first line, my face was covered with the tears that were streaming down my face.

Cracked. The bricks that have been mysterious and unknown cracked apart a little more with every tear that fell.

This one individual asked me to forgive her. For the different things that had happened and how she contributed to it. And she felt awful. Funny enough I did not even remember the specific details because I had stuffed them down, but as I cried, I began to forgive her and the others involved. I read back through my journal entries from that time and just wept before God. And gave it to Him and received His healing.

Even now I am blown away by this message that was written to me that opened up so much. Felt like a wind of fresh air blowing through my soul as God brought up old, deep hurts and began the healing process and the forgiveness surrounding it. What perfect timing. And what a gracious and gentle God I serve.

I am excited because I feel a little bit more freedom than I did before. I have been clinging to these things and God has been loosening my grip on them as I surrender them to Him. And where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. Oh sweet freedom.