Home, Heart, Happiness

Home. It's a word that conjures up a variety of feelings, memories and thoughts. Some positive, some negative. Some filled with great happiness, others filled with great sorrow. Where is my home? This is something I have been reflecting on of late. Last week, as I prepared to leave Portland and return "home", I had mixed feelings because in a way I was also leaving a new place that has become home.

The dictionary defines "home" as, "the place where one lives permanently." In the last few years, that location has been scattered because I don't feel a permanence in any one geographical location. In some ways I feel tossed about and unsure as to my sense of placement because it all seems so transient. Yet, I realize as I make memories in different places, have new and repeated experiences, and deep friendships, I am continually creating a space of home.

First and foremost, my home is in God. I abide in Him and God's presence is ever with me, ever before me and behind me. It surrounds me. Nothing is a surprise to God because He is there. I can rest assured in that permanence.

 I have a home with my friends, new and old. They have a place in my heart and I in theirs. In that case, I have a home all around the world and all across Canada and the US. When I am with my friends, I am at home.

I have a physical home in places where I have lived, but also places where I have visited and had profound experiences with God, growth and transformation within, and have experienced community with those around me.  

So, in the last two weeks I have been deeply reminded of this. As I traveled down to Portland for school, there was a profound sense of coming home. As 18 of my American friends gathered around a table with me to celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving, I was home. As I went to Edmonton to visit friends for the weekend, I was home. As I came back to BC to care for a woman I love deeply and count as one of my closest friends, I am home. Despite sadness, hurt, pain, God is there and I can rest in Him. Through happiness, laughter and joy, God is in my midst. To take the time to recognize this, amidst the tension of juxtaposed emotions and experiences, there is a richness in the fullness of life that can be experienced and shared with those around me. I am home.

 I love the song, "Home" by Phillip Phillips (and not just because he has the best name ever). As I re-read the lyrics this morning, I felt God singing the words to me. I can cling to Him, through the familiar and unfamiliar, and where I am, I am at home in Him and will have experiences of home with physical locations I visit and the people I encounter along the way.

Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave is stringing us along
Just know you're not alone
Cause I'm gonna make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you're not alone
Cause I'm gonna make this place your home